Today is Jake and my 5th wedding anniversary! We aren’t really celebrating today, because he is working but this weekend we have something really fun planned. If you want to follow our day on Saturday, be sure to check us out on Snapchat to see it before it even hits the blog. I am so excited for what we’ve got on the books because it’s something we’ve been wanting to do for a really long time.
Anyway, I thought since I don’t talk a lot about Jake and myself here, today I would do just that.
When you take your vows, you promise to love one another through sickness and in health. That means when Jake gets a man cold, I still love him even when he’s being a baby. But it also means that when we have big scares, our teamwork is tested.
Over the last 8 years of our relationship, Jake hasn’t been able to have insurance until the last year. So many of his problems, have had to go un-diagnosed for the most part. Many of the things wrong with Jake have been there since birth, and a lot of them are hereditary auto-immune issues. Until this past year, we really didn’t know what was wrong with him specifically. We were going off of what we knew about family history.
Recently, after visiting a rheumatologist, we learned that Jake has some type of arthritis. Keep in mind, he is 26. We aren’t sure if it is Rheumatoid or not yet, as he is still having all the tests run and it’s an on-going process but that is what it’s being treated as right now. So he has started a host of medicines. One of which is a bi-weekly injection. I did his last one, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be administering it. I was terrified I was going to hurt him or that I was going to pull the tube out and a needle was going to be sticking out of his leg. You know, irrational fear Ashley to the rescue.
The second medicine did not go over as well. It made him extremely dizzy, numb, and he ended up falling and hitting his head. It ended in a concussion. That’s been about a week ago and he’s doing much better now but still has a pretty gnarly headache. We are not going to continue that medicine as of now since his reaction was so severe, so it’s back to square one there.
I am telling you all of this to tell you something important. I never realized how extremely scary it is when someone you love gets bonafide sick. He’s been ill the whole time and he’s has good months and bad months, but it’s like since we’ve started to see doctors things are becoming very real for both of us. I can’t imagine what it would be like to be the spouse of someone who was terminally ill, and I am so thankful that we are not dealing with something like cancer. But we are dealing with a quality of life issue. It is just really hard to watch Jake, who is reaching career goals he’s dreamed of for so long, be held back by his body.
Marriage is hard this way. I am a fixer and there is not a single thing I can do to fix Jake, there isn’t anything I can do to make him better. I can just be here to support him and listen and encourage. It’s been hard to watch him suffer at the hands of trial and error. I know that last week wont be the last time we have an adverse reaction to drugs because the nature of his illness is a game of finding what works for him specifically. I’m also learning that new medicines will be administered in either the parking lot of a hospital or when he doesn’t need to get out of bed for any reason whatsoever.
For the first few years of our life together, after Addie was born, a lot of our struggle was with my mental health. Post Partum Depression had a very strong hold on me and Jake was my warrior through that, and still is. I joke that I have a broken brain. So as we close the books on our first 5 years of marriage, and continue on our journey together I am reminded of his strength through my struggle, and that even in sickness and in health we are a team, and when he’s weak with a broken body, I need to be strong like he has always been for me.
I look forward to finding out what’s happening with my man and getting him all fixed up! For now though, tell me below do you have experience with a sick spouse? Tell me about it below.
Also, don’t forget to follow along on Snapchat for all sorts of behind the scenes stuff.